it's all happening so fast...

what's cool is no one knows i've been keeping this blog to this day. i know i'll eventually reveal it to you two and maybe the world but until then, it will remain my little secret.

anja, you're 11 now and every day i pinch myself to make sure i'm really the mother of a tween. it has its ups and downs but mostly ups with you. you're a genuine, kind, creative, thoughtful, intelligent girl and i remind myself every day that our relationship is a universe away from what mine was with my mother when i was your age. life is complicated and technology and everything available at our fingertips all the time makes it even more complicated. my worry is that as you get older, i won't be able to track the people you communicate with or the social media channels you operate on as closely. it boils down to old fashioned verbal communication and keeping that line between us open and so far, we share everything. i fear that will change...but maybe it is just that. a fear.

quinny, my goodness. you are a barrel of energy and humor. you make me laugh everyday. you have inherited the nelson family humor gene and it shows itself in your random outbursts of dance and song and silliness. this past weekend at your match, after a year of shooting from 50 yards, you finally graduated back to 100 yards. i have never seen you so focused. so on point. you are wise beyond your years in that way. as you grow up, i suspect that skill will only increase and it makes me excited for what is to come for you. i worry, though, about the voice in your head. it seems that there tends to be a slight streak of pessimism and i fear that it will evolve into self-hatred. i always worry that i have created this. but then i remember that we are all born with our personalities written and the environment in which we're brought up only influences what is already there. i only hope that you know just how much you are loved. it seems shallow and cliche writing those words here.

the feeling of love i have for you and your sister goes beyond anything words can truly express.

it's quiet in the house and you are both still asleep. yesterday was a stressful day at work for me and i think it's bled into my mood this morning so i am just going to take a minute to collect myself before rousing you both. the weather is beautiful after a week of crap so that will help. i feel like we've been bleeding money with all of the activities you both are involved in and that is, admittedly, a weight that causes some stress. your dad and i work so hard so that you feel supported and you have opportunities we didn't. it brings tears to my eyes to think about it. when it's all said and done, i know that he would agree it is worth the stress!

love you both.