i was hyper focusing on a totally meaningless activity (repurposing a t-shirt) today and while you two brought the house down around me, i could not tear myself away. then, i reached a breaking point when the mess got to be too much. i threw a tantrum and cried like a baby because the level of frustration i felt was so intense. this is a flaw of mine. and once the day is lost, i can't get it back. anja, i am sitting here with you, my mind is racing, 100 million thoughts a minute, but i can't get up and start being productive, of course, feeling guilty that you are watching George on the iPad. sometimes it's just a one-task day. sometimes, i just have to make small goals for myself and hope tomorrow is better. it is days like these that make me question my ability to handle the task of raising two happy kids. it is a huge blow to my self-esteem and my confidence when i fail to provide at least a little structure and educational entertainment instead of relying on devices and media to do the job.
