baby books, memories, preservation.

Dear Anja & Quin -

The other day we were at Michael & Lora's for Allie and Lora's birthdays. Mana had given Lora her baby book for her birthday, which contained pictures, notes and other milestones that Mana had kept up with since Lora was little. We got onto the subject of this and I made the mistake of saying that I hadn't done that for either of you. Of course, that set off a chain of comments from Mana about how I should have done it, etc. etc. Papa injected his opinion of me sitting on thousands of pictures of you each since you were born saying "If you don't do something with them, you'll be sorry!"

You may perceive an air of resentment for these statements and naturally so. There is a part of me that feels bad for not doing this. On the other hand, your lives have been documented from birth and while I do intend on doing something physical with the images and videos (by the time you read this, I likely already have), I don't have a sense of urgency about it. Maybe this is a mistake. Or maybe, I am just satisfied with the experience of watching you two grow up, taking everything in, remembering what I can and the things I forget, realizing they made an impact either way on who I am as a person. I don't feel like I need to prove this. Being your mother has been the greatest experience of my life. And regardless of the things I remember (like the fact that you, Quin, say "I tah-did" when you are tired, or when I ask you to hold up your shirt so I can secure your diaper, you tease me by putting your hands high in the air and say "Like dis?". Or that you, Anja, are currently obsessed with a particular pair of denim shorts that you prefer to wear every single day with a long sleeved shirt and your sweater boots, regardless of the 80-degree weather), I know in my heart that every little quip, every little -ism has made a mark on my psyche. And will continue to do so. No one can take that away from me and that is why I am not rushing to put together a pretty pink or handsome blue album of hair clippings (what are you going to do with hair clippings? Seriously.) and a barrage of firsts.

As you read this, know that my pride of you both far exceeds what anything physical could express.

I love you both with all my heart,
Mama